Phirebird by JRC

Blood beetle with blood by JRC

feline mindfulness (old) 5-26-15

she, alert and alive, waited patiently, persistantly, curious as to what this life entails. her ample vigor allows her to, quietly, stalk her prey and yet, at the precise moment, pounce. the predator, she was agile, elite but still beautiful. she was as beautiful as her sleek and silky fur coat warranted. independant, she was respectful as her mother raised her but not bashful enough to resist sinking her claws into supper while her sharp and piercing teeth would follow. even with her brothers and sisters, she would allow them preview her playful bite as they would all wrestle, each one ready to tackle upon reflex. however, one day, she will be separated and become a blooming family's housewarming guest. (5-26-15 jrc)

Life is a beach

it took me years to write this poem

year one... this room is all i've ever seen, there are white walls, nice tan curtains, and bright yellow ducks on the doors but what do i know about color? The beeps that i hear must be of my heartbeat each paralleling with the radience i must emit.

year two... the world is odd. when i lay, i roll, when i crawl, i drool, and when i walk i fall but what do i know about gravity? I'm tired of drinking that pale white liquid and that i'm not tall enough to turn the shiny gold knobs that open the door but what do i know about height

year three... i've learned some knew things like when i throw a ball up it falls back down and i think thats why when i run and trip i fall but what do i know about logic.

year four... there definately is a monster under my bed. my parents cant see it but i know its there, i need to have a night light and i got a new blanket and my parents say with it the monsters cant hurt me but what do i know about fear?

year five and a half... i can count to ten now and my favorite color is blue like the sky. thunder is still scary but lightning is exciting. my mom says thunder is angels bowling so i root for them during every storm but what do i know about wonder?

year six... my first day of school was exhilerating. i made two friends and four enemies, that makes six but what do i know about math. also alot of people are taller than me, i guess that's what height is all about. the school bus is yellow and tomorrow we learn how to fingerpaint. i like firetrucks and candy and dont know how to tell time but i think im six and three quarters but what do i really know about math?

year eight... my dad let me shave my head into a mohawk. superheroes are cool and i want a cape for christmas. i like video games but my dad says i need to go outside more often. now i have three friends and one bully. he takes my lunch money because his parents hurt him alot so i bring a snack but what do i know about compensation?

year ten... i learned today that im a decade old, a decade means ten years. i got a skate board for my birthday and i scraped my knee and had to geta band aid with a lightning bolt on it, it will heal in a couple of days my mom says but what do i know about safety?

year twelve... i have a crush on a girl who sits next to me, we help each other with homework. she moved here from canada and says that its much colder up there than hear. i dont even know her last name but what do i know about love.

year thirteen... my mom left and my dad says shes on vacation but it's been two whole months. i ask can i call her but dad says its complicated. i don't understand but what do i know about parents? they aused to argue alot and i think it's my fault because my name comes up alot. My dad came home from work yesterday and started yelling up a storm and sounded scary. he must have had a hard time but what do i know about problems

year fourteen... i went to the guidance counselor at school today because my dad hit me across the face, my nose bled and he made me promise not to tell anyone but mrs. K the guidance counselor saw me and sais i can tell her anything. she said someone will talk to me tomorrow and that they just want to help but what do i know about help?

year fourteen and a quarter... the lady saw me today and interviewed me and tomorrow im going to a sleep over at a different family's house. im excited

year fifteen... i wanna see my dad but the people im living with told me he went away for a long while. they have nine other children just like me and they all say they've been hit by their parents too but what do i know about abuse?

year seventeen... ayear ago i met somw kids like me who wear all black and listen to heavy metal. they cut themselves and take pills called rittalin. they told me that life sucks and parents are stupid, but i miss my parents.

year seventeen and a half... i went to the emergency room a few weeks ago for trying to cut myself. they said i have depression and there is a chemical imbalance in my brain and i take these giant pills. i think im a lab rat. but what do i know about mental health?

year eighteen.... im an adult now and going to graduate in six months. im in a private school with other people with similar problems. people are from all over their. there are fights every day and im afraid all the staff are going to stick me with needles all thec time. i cut myself again and they put me on observation but what do i know about depression?

year nineteen... iv'e now been to a total of four hospitalizations and one residential treatment facility. people in the adult units are much scarier and have more complicated problems. i dont know what to do with myself because i am now on government fundas called disability for my diagnosis of schizoeffective but what do i know aboout mental health?

year twenty.... my dads out of jail and i get to see him once in a while. i still havent seen or heard about my mom. the number of hospitalizations now doubled. i've now lost the right to own a gun, like i care. im in a program for transitioning adults with mental health but what do i know about that?

year twenty one... i can legally drink now but i wont. they say it will interfear with my medication. i 've been with this girl now for two years and she is lovely, but what do i know about love?

year twenty three... year three with my girlfriend were getting married soon, but what do i know about marriage?

year twenty four... i now have a wife. my whole life is ahead of me. im still struggling with depression along with anxiety, voices and mood disorders but really what do i know about the life? it seems like i was born yesterday but tomorrow still seems too far away to ponder..

The Struggle Isn't Real

Reflective imagery by Jeffrey Chamberlain

Proust Questionnaire

Here is Proust’s Questionnaire:

What is your idea of perfect happiness?

What is your greatest fear?

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?

What is the trait you most deplore in others?

Which living person do you most admire?

What is your greatest extravagance?

What is your current state of mind?

What do you consider the most overrated virtue?

On what occasion do you lie?

What do you most dislike about your appearance?

Which living person do you most despise?

What is the quality you most like in a man?

What is the quality you most like in a woman?

Which words or phrases do you most overuse?

What or who is the greatest love of your life?

When and where were you happiest?

Which talent would you most like to have?

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

What do you consider your greatest achievement?

If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be?

Where would you most like to live?

What is your most treasured possession?

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?

What is your favorite occupation?

What is your most marked characteristic?

What do you most value in your friends?

Who are your favorite writers?

Who is your hero of fiction?

Which historical figure do you most identify with?

Who are your heroes in real life?

What are your favorite names?

What is it that you most dislike?

What is your greatest regret?

How would you like to die?

What is your motto?

Rhyme scale B K D F G P S T

Rhyme scale B K D F G P S T

So far in my latest art project 5 25 17

Blood beetle colored1

Burnt toast medibang effect

Burnt toast painting effect on Medibang by JRC

1 rasterize  image
2 line art extraction (more white than black)
3 new layer to burn blending mode
4 paint

Works best on pencil sketch photos with a lot of grainy shading and blending...

What I learned from my cats

What we learn from the things in our everyday lives can intrigue us. In my life I was surprised to find out that my cats have actually taught me some things



Patience, commitment, acceptance and courage



Commitment: At first, I thought having a pet was easy, you buy food and litter and change it regularly. But what I didn't know was that, other than food, shelter and water, cats need emotional support as well. When they are small, they like to explore and you have to honor that need. After a while they will become more and more playful these are the most fun times of owning a cat. After months of having a cat, it doesn't come as a surprise anymore and the newness wears off. The cat just seems like just an ordinary thing in our household. They get lazy and more oriented to sleep; you might even forget that they are there. Still, there is an emotional quota and the fact that if you don't play with them regularly, they will get obese. So, I started playing with them more. The beauty in having as cat is they will tell you when they need something. They will meow and you have to figure out whether they want food, treats or just plain loving. This taught me commitment. They never let me slip and my wife and I are never home alone because we have our cats.



Patience: cats can teach you patience. They demonstrate every day. They sit quietly at the door, waiting for you to come home. This comes naturally to them. But it doesn't in us. When I wake up in the morning, I get out a can of cat food. They sit eager but still as I open the top. When I'm hungry I go straight for the fridge. I don't know what it's like to have to wait for someone to feed me. If I am in a place where I cannot access food when I'm hungry, I get uncomfortable and irritable. I might get anxious and I might get frustrated. Then, I think of my cats. They sit quietly all day. If they are hungry, they may meow but that's the most of it. If I'm not there, they are still humble when I get home. And patiently, they sit and watch as I get their food.



Acceptance and courage: one day I received news that a neighbor was going to throw all their kittens and their mother out in the cold. This frustrated and upset me. How could anyone be so cruel? My wife and I have two cats of our own and she is very allergic but she manages that allergy by taking three different medications--all to keep our lovely cats. When we were faced with this dilemma of whether to take the cats, we had to accept what we couldn't change--if we don't take these cats they will be left outside in the cold rain. However, we had an epiphany, we are good people, we love cats, and we knew that the right thing to do was to take them in for a day or two, and then take them to the local animal shelter. This took courage, love and made me a better person in the process.



My cats have taught me a lot over the years, and passionate as I am, they weren't just a learning experience but a loving and meaningful one as well. Pets as companions in general lift our moods, give us purpose and fill our lives with memories. So, as I finish, I would like to lend you one last thought: do you think anything in your life, whether extraordinary or mundane, could teach you something that you didn't expect to learn? Think about it!

JR and TK

Heart banner cross design

Loud escape

What used to fuel my anger
Now washes away your tears
If it isn't dangerous
Then take on all my fears

Let's trade, create
Let's take the path
The path of least resistance

Don't fret my friend
We'll meet again
Never mind the distance

at the doctor's office

The wait was long but needed. People had to be seen and things had to get done. I picked up the flimsy magazine. The pages, wrinkled and out dated, I wondered if it would entertain me until my appointment. Countless, headlines told of politics which I hate. I hastily sprawled through the glossy pages and finally came to an advertisement about some elegant perfume. There was a peel and sniff. I peeled but I didn't get any aroma--the useless thing.
People were seated all around me. I could hear the chatter of a high school cafeteria mixed with the false hope of the nurse coming out and then calling someone else's name. Ugh, I groaned. I decided to scan the room. About ninety percent of them were preoccupied with their smart phones. The rest were making chit chat with the people adjacent of them. You can learn a lot from people by listening to their conversations. Even by the tone of their voice, you can get a vague impression.
One lady was talking about her dog and how he wouldn't shut up while she was still trying to get rest before she had to wake up. Another was pleading for her son to stay still.
Things still did not become interesting. I decided to doze off--little did I know about the dream I was to embark on...